MASTURBATION (the love of self)

(written October 27, 2007)

I lived 23 years on God’s green Earth as plain ole Cristal. No nickname. No frills… until one day I got casted on a little unknown reality show called Flavor of Love and this washed up rapper called me “Serious” amongst the fruits and otherwise rude and degrading nicknames he gave my showmates.

In this crazy industry, I laugh at the names that many these “entertainers” call themseleves. Honestly, models, calling yourself any kind of barbie, black or otherwise is WACK. The two first name thing is WACK… only drag queens have names like “Cristal Adrianna”… so if you don’t have a penis AND breast implants, you really need to kill yourself for that shit. The only “entertainers” that are second to “models” naming themselves dumb shit (don’t yall love my quotation marks when I use the word loosely??? LOL) are “rappers”. I can’t even BEGIN to tell you how corny you are… really.

Now there is nothing wrong with a nickname, but there is SO much in a name. It DEFINES who you are. What you call yourself AND/OR your company or business… even on your MYSPACE page means soooo much.

For instance, when Tyra Banks first started America’s Next Top Model, the company she operated under was “Ty-Ty Baby”… sounds like a joke, right? Thats because it was. No one, including Ms. Banks expected a low budget reality show to turn into the multi-million dollar, rating phenomenon it is today. By the second season of the show, she changed the name of her company to “Bankable Productions”… which we can all agree sounds a little more… hmmmm… BANKable…

Second thing is, “entertainers” have these nicknames, and alternate personalities to go with them. Beyonce says that in real life she is shy so when she is on stage she is ‘Sasha’, Ludacris is a wild ass rapper but Christopher Bridges is a father, activist, and Oscar nominated actor… this seems to work so I am all for it, but what happens when you begin to love your alternate personality and not yourself? So many of us love the imaginary people we have created in our heads but cant look in the mirror at the muthafucka that wipes the ass of the body that the ficticious muthafucka lives in. So many of us fall in love with peoples alternative personalities and cant deal with the real deal. So many of us are loved by the real personality of people and disregarded by the alternate nigga which would be fine if so many people didnt operate most of their lives as the person they have decided to be instead of the person they are.

“Who do you love… ME… or the THOUGHT of me?” ~John Mayer “Trust Myself”

All in all, we have got to learn to love ourselves, the person that came out of our mother’s crotches on our birthday. Until then, our alter egos and the alter egos of other muthafuckas are going to eat us alive. You were made you for a reason, and believe it or not, that person is good enough, or at least will be when you start believing in them.


11 comments to MASTURBATION (the love of self)

  • Cristal, I agree with you 100%. It’s like you were reading my mind. I to think that the stage names some of these entertainers and models is corny and stupid. It completely takes away from their credibility. I have one of the most common names in America. I used to call myself different variations of supernova on twitter. Not because the name had special meaning but because I simply like the name and thought it would make me stand out on twitter. I recently came to my senses and change to my real name. My name is so common, it was already taken on twitter so, I got as close as I could, @iampdwilliams. I am Paul David Williams. And, that is who I’ve always been and, who I’m going to ba for the rest of my life. Peace, Love, and Glitter Gloves my sister.

  • WTF does this have to do w/ masturbation? No offense but anyway, just want to know Crystal’s thoughts and let her know she is the most beautiful in the world. Can’t wait to go to ATL and hopefully trip across her presence. Love you baby and keep doing to thang.


    To me I wear my name,
    Like an outfit that I can’t take off,
    As though it’s been wrapped around me or dropped over my head,
    And when someone calls out for me it’s usually the first word said.

    When I wake-up in the morning,
    It’s already on me,
    Through all of my happiness & sad times,
    It’s always been mine.

    Some have said that I look like my name,
    Some have said that I look like any name but my own,
    Statements like these make me chuckle,
    I even have my name on my old belt buckle.

    To the world overall,
    I’m known by it first,
    To me I wear my name,
    It was given by my mother at birth.

    Jan. 15, 2008

  • mike

    can you send me some nude pics? your sexy

  • Ev

    If I could just leave a short comment, you should never rule out the fact that someone’s alternate or created personality might be their natural self. Many people grow up not being themselves due to how they were raised and the people they were raised around. I feel most natural around my friends, whereas when I am with my family I feel the need to put on an act, an act that I’ve put on from the time I was a child. It’s not that I can’t be myself around my family, it’s just circumstances and respect.

  • Very good piece of work! One thing I can honestly say about you is you are who you are 24-7 !!! crazy as that may be, you are consistent so I have, and always will respect you for that. ttys

  • @if0nz

    Great blog. 1st time on here. I see a potential talk show host in the making.

  • Lys

    Great blog Cristal. @Ev, just a thought, but if you have to put on an act in front of your family, then it is that that is your alternate self, not the free and comfortable person you are with your friends. The person I think Cristal is trying to help you embrace is the person that you feel most comfortable in. The real you, not the facade that you put on for others. In you accepting and loving yourself others will do the same, including family. Be steadfast in who you are.

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